Sweet Wisdom

Erich Fromm was a German psychologist and social philosopher from early and mid 1900s. He is most well-known for his international bestselling book The Art of Love. You see, he is not exactly someone you'd call a romantic, if anything he's more of a realist who believes that love is a skill-set you must obtain - that it is not as magical and mysterious as it's made ought to be. However, he does make valid points that could perhaps help people to love better.

He has this quote: "Immature love says, I love you because I needs you; but, mature love says, I need you because I love you." This sounds perfectly legitimate and just plain amazing. I would not dispute his claim for any reason or whatsoever. However, I think there is something beyond that. I think there is something beyond Fromm's mature love. That is the plain simple "I love you". There is no conditions; you could call it, "Unconditional Love". That I think will be the true definition of genuine and real love, which is very rarely found these days. See, Fromm's definition of mature love is great, and perhaps he didn't mean it this way, but it would see like there is still that condition of "need". And, I believe that in a true love, sometime you have to give up that need for "need" as well.

A lot of relationships you look at these days are based on "conditions", whether it's a friendship, a romantic relationship or even a marriage. So, does love exist in those relationships? Yes, most certainly. But, is it a true unconditional love, probably not. A lot of romantic relationships between most people in our current society are based more so on its physical aspect, rather than the emotional aspect even though they both do exist. Trust me I know, I was one of those people who cared a little more about the physical aspect - and now I've learned that really isn't the most important thing. And, I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about just need for physical proximity or need for some sort of solid stuff - you know what I'm talking about. However, it a true genuine relationship where more genuine love exists - emotional aspect becomes the high priority of that relationship, and it feels good. You see, if you solely rely on the physical aspect of a relationship and you get your pleasure solely from that, then that pleasure won't last long, and you'll constantly need more, and when you don't get it for a while, you don't feel happy - you are just not satisfied. However, the emotional connection you have in a relationsihp and pleasure you get from it will last for a long time!

This is where the importance of a genuine "unconditional love" kicks in. One day, I was listening to this talk from a Catholic Priest, who was renowned for healing people's [emotional] wounds. Obviously, we often hear about G-d's unconditional love. But, he wasn't just talking about that, rather he was focusing on how people get hurt - how people get hurt in a romantic relationship or a marriage, or even other forms of relationship. He said that people get hurt because when they give something to their partner, they want something in return. Even if it isn't the feeling of want, they are still expecting something. People get hurt from this, because sometimes that something would not return to them. It could be the case that the partner purposedly won't return the "favor" (let's just say that), but more than often it will be the case that the partner just doesn't realize that they need to. But, either way it hurts your feelings.

But, if you love someone genuinely, and unconditionally, then you won't be hurt by that. You see, when you love someone without expecting anything in return, then you won't get hurt. As the matter of fact, people who can love truly, will be happy simply from the fact that they can love this person that much. They'll find happiness in loving them, and giving them their love.
I was amazed by how true this is. However, I also knew how hard it is to love like this. As human beings, we do look out for self-interests. So, this isn't an easy task, but if, nay, when you love someone so dearly to the point where you just want to make them happy - then it will all seem to make sense. Perhaps it will take some practices, as Fromm argues that love does. In then end though, it all comes from your heart -as cheesy as that may sound.

So, next time you hear the phrase - "never make someone a priority who only makes you only an option", well think again about it - if you truly love that person, then none of that "priority" stuff will matter. You just love them unconditionally.